HALLOWEEN VAMPIRE JOKES

Three Vampires went into a bar and sat down.

The barmaid came over to take their orders. "And what would you, er, gentlemen like tonight?"

The first vampire said, "I'll have a mug of blood."

The second vampire said, "I'll have a mug of blood."

The third vampire shook his head at his companions and said, "I will have a glass of plasma."

The barmaid wrote down each order, went to the bar and called to the

bartender, "Two bloods and a blood light."



"Mommy, Mommy! Am I really a Vampire?"
"Hurry up and drink your soup before it clots!"

How do vampires get around on Halloween night?
By blood vessels.

What are a vampire's favorite snacks?
Adam's apples and nectarines.

What did the Mommy Vampire say to the Baby Vampire?
"You are driving me batty."

What do you get if you cross a vampire bat and a mummy?
A flying band-aid, or a gift-wrapped bat.

What do you give a vampire with a cold?
Coffin Drops!

What is Dracula's favorite holiday?
Fangsgiving!

What kind of dog does Dracula have?
A Bloodhound!

Where did they put Dracula when he was arrested?
In a red bloodcell!

Where do vampires make they're withdrawals?
At the blood bank.

Where does Dracula keep his valuables?
In a blood bank.

Where did the vampire open his savings account?
At a blood bank

Why did the other kids have to let the vampire play baseball?
It was his bat.

Why did the vampire quit the baseball team?
They would only let him be BAT boy!

What is as sharp as a vampires fang?
His other fang.

What does a vampire fear most?
Tooth decay

What kind of boat pulls Dracula when he water skis?
A blood vessel



The Bloody Bat

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.

Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began pestering him about where he got it.

He told them to knock it off and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in.

"OK, follow me," he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.

Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees.

Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.

"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.

"Yes, yes, yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.

"Good," said the first bat, "Because I DIDN'T!"